


The Ministry Are Morons

by Artemis_the_Moon_Goddess



Series: The Youngest Animagus in History [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-08-28 16:51:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16727226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemis_the_Moon_Goddess/pseuds/Artemis_the_Moon_Goddess
Summary: When James Potter gets jealous, there's no stopping him. He will do anything to get the girl he wants. Including driving his best mate to near-insanity. While he is relaxing at home with his new wife, Sirius is throwing himself into his work. It is very unhealthy. He has no cares for his own well-being anymore. And when he is thrown into Azkaban, nobody gives a @#*%, especially the man who was supposed to be his best friend.





	1. Prologue

1 Year Earlier:

"Siri?"

"Mmm?"

"Do you love me?"

"Always, darling."

She rested her head against his bare chest, contented.

Outside the room, there was a sharp intake of breath, and a lone figure slipped away, hidden by the cover of the darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

Now:

Sirius groaned.  _When had it all gone so wrong?_ The love of his life, stolen by a man who was supposed to be his best friend. The fates were against him, and he had no-one else to lean on for support. Almost subconsciously, he cast his mind back.

 

Then:

Sirius Black was  _so_ excited. Today was their one-year anniversary. Everything was going to be perfect. Hopefully James would be out of the way. He had asked Remus to suddenly launch a great new idea in the field of quidditch tactics. That  _should_ keep him occupied. Thinking back on the past few weeks, he couldn't help but wonder what the f*** was wrong with James; he had been spending so much time in the potions lab recently. He didn't even _like_ potions! Maybe he was finally tiring of the chase... No. He wasn't. He _couldn't_ be. He was just trying to prank Snape. He was just trying to prank Snape. But wouldn't he have asked him to join in? Prongs never did anything major without Padfoot. He shook himself. Whatever it was, it could wait. He was going to be late meeting Lily if wasn't careful. Sirius chanced a glance at his alarm clock - something he had gotten to annoy his parents - and started. He was nearly 3 hours early! What, then, had woken him, if it wasn't his alarm? And so the mystery thickened.. 

At breakfast, the other three Marauders made their way over to where Sirius and Lily were sitting. It had to be the first time James had ever gotten out of bed before 11 on a weekend. The five got into conversation: Lily and Remus discussing the Arithmancy homework; James nattering on about how he had scheduled a quidditch practice for that afternoon, with Peter asking Remus for help with his Charms homework.

"You're better off asking Lily; she's the best at Charms."

When James poured everyone drinks, it all seemed normal. At least, until Lily drank her pumpkin juice. She shifted slightly away from Sirius, and towards James. Alarm bells were ringing, but Sirius ignored them in favour of tuning in to the conversation on his other side.

"Have you heard the news? Marlene has a new boyfriend!"

"Who's the lucky man?"

"I hadn't realised she was over Rosier yet."

"I'm glad she is. I can't bear that slimy snake."

"So who is it, Evans?"

"Gilderoy Lockhart!"

"Who?!"

"You heard."

"It's that Ravenclaw Ponce."

"Oh, him."

"He's an idiot."

"I know."

"Surely she can do better than him!"

"While we're on the subject," James broke in, "Would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me today, Evans."

Everyone stared, with bated breath, waiting for the usual snappy reply. 

"Ok. Sure." Her voice was very breathy and she looked like she was about to faint.

"Come on then!" James called out behind him, "I've got lots of plans for today."

Lily jumped up, abandoning the rest of her breakfast, and tore after him. Sirius was heartbroken. How dare he?! Lily was his girl. What had James done?

The weeks and months sped by. Christmas came and went. Sirius had entered into a kind of stupor. Life just wasn't the same without Lily. It was soul-shattering, watching her trail after James all the time. She had been such a bright, free spirit, and the Amortentia had bound her. She was but a shell of what she used to be. The other Marauders, with the exception of James, worried about him. They saw his moping, and they stood by as he cut himself off from the rest of humanity. Nobody knew what to do, and the one person who did know wasn't interested in helping him. He should've known it was too good to last. He should've known that it would all come crashing down. He should've known that she would choose James.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been barely a month since he had been forced to attend Lily and James' annual New Year Ball. Sirius was hating life. All of a sudden, a loud knock on the door roused him from his stupor. He just about managed to drag himself over to the door to answer it. 

"Lily!"

Sirius was ecstatic; she was visiting him at last. If only...

"Hi Sirius." she sounded nervous, "I'm so sorry. He put me under a love potion. I didn't mean to. Honest to God. If there's anything I can do to make it up. Please say you'll have me back."

"Of course I will. I missed you darling" he was almost stuttering in his relief.

"How about we go bowling in muggle London. I seem to remember you being rather good at it." She shot him a cheeky grin.

Not trusting himself to speak without bursting into floods of tears, Sirius just grinned back. The two lovers stepped out the front door, only for Sirius to turn his ankle on the step.

"I guess I'll be apparating us, then." She laughed.

It was just like the old times, only this time they knew that it wouldn't work out. Still, they could at least have this one day together.

 

* * *

 

Lily leaned into Sirius, searching for that tiny spark of warmth that he always seemed to possess. She had enjoyed their day, and the night that followed it. If only she didn't have to go back to Potter. She was very sleepy still. Too sleepy. And she didn't realise the consequences of her actions until nearly three weeks later when she went for her annual checkup at Saint Mungo's. Until then, well they say ignorance is bliss, and it's certainly true in this case. The warm body stirred next to her. It really was time to be off. The two lovers kissed goodbye, before Lily descended the stairs for the last time. There was no way James would ever let her go near Sirius if there was the possibility of the two rekindling their old relationship. She had been off the potion since Harry was born, but after years of being drugged, it had taken half a year to get out of her system, and James hadn't let her out of his sight since Christmas. Whether he thought that she'd stay for Harry or for him, Lily wasn't entirely certain, but she did know, and James did too, that as long as her son was alive, she would never leave James Potter.

 

* * *

 

 

_[Saint Mungo's, three weeks later]_

"I'm what?!"

"You're pregnant, Mrs Potter. Congratulations."

"No! You don't understand."

"I don't understand  _what,_ Mrs Potter?"

Her voice dropped to barely more than a hiss, " _It's not his._ "

"You can be sure of utmost confidentiality."

The healer continued to talk, but Lily was no longer listening. How could they have forgotten protection? Merlin! She was so stupid. Now James was going to find out. Gods, she was in so much trouble. Maybe glamour's would work? It was worth a shot.

"Thank you for your services today, Healer Blythe."

"I was glad to be of help, Mrs Potter."

And with that, the young woman swept from the room.

 

* * *

 

For the next nine months, Lily kept mostly to herself, not going out unless she had to, and avoiding large social gatherings. She had written to Sirius quite a bit, although all correspondence had been kept short and concise. She simply didn't have the energy to write her usual novels, although she certainly had the time to.

 

_Dearest Paddy, I love you more than you can ever know, but from the moment I said "I do" I have been trapped in this life. I am writing this because I have recently discovered that our little romp the other week has had long term effects. If you can call nine months long term. Forever yours, Lilypad. P.S. baby names? I am acc so bored right now that there is siriusly nothing else to do._

 

_My darling Lilypad, I love you more than life itself, but we have always known that as long as the Potter heir had his eyes on you we could never be truly happy together. You may not be able to write novels any more, but I shall certainly do my best to step into your shoes. It's like an essay, right? How hard can it be? As for baby names, there are several routes we can take. We can go traditional, like Orion or Walburga, but there are still several routes there that we can take as well, or we can go unique, like Skyler or Danae, or we can go plain old, like Harry or James. If we wanted to go traditional Black, I'm thinking Leonidas for a boy, and maybe Cassiopeia for a girl. If we wanted to go traditional Potter, (although really, who would, after looking at their names. I almost wish Potter had been named after his dad in his first name, not merely his middle name.) Charlus and Diana are quite nice names. They're a hell of a lot better than Fleamont, that's for sure. What sort of names would be standard in your family? I gather that the girls are generally named after flowers, so possibly Rose for a girl, but what about the boys? I can't picture your dad being called Old Man's Beard. Actually, it turns out I can, but it's so fucking hilarious that I doubt generations of gentle souls like you would wish that kind of torment upon their sons. For unique names, I already mentioned Skyler for a boy and Danae for a girl. For plain old, we could always go for Jane or Michael. Any other ideas? These are just some of my favourite ideas. After all, if I'd been a girl, I would've been called Constellation, so we could always recycle that name. We are naming our child together, although we do still need to decide which category of names to pick from. The ideas I gave were just some examples to give a feel for that type of name. I feel for you in the bored front. There is literally nothing going on. It's even been a quiet few weeks for the aurors, and Merlin knows I signed up for all those extra hours. I'm going to go into the office now. Thinking about it, it's been a bit too quiet. Write me back. Forever yours, Paddy xx_

 

_Dearest Paddy, I get what you mean about that being a novel. It's certainly longer than your usual standard. It's got quite a way to go until it reaches mine, though, thank Merlin. Evans men tend to just go with any name, but what you said about Old Man's Beard nearly suffocated me, I was laughing so hard. I'm supposed to be taking it easy! Back on the subject of names, I like the idea of either traditional or unique. I never really like plain old, and I can't understand where Potter got it from. As for name ideas, I liked Leonidas, maybe something like Cleo or Silka? Love always, Lilypad xx P.S. What was up with the DMLE, Antlers over here has been in an awful lot lately._

 

_Lilypad, how the hell do you get your letters so long? I could never get it to your usual length. Whoops! I didn't mean to damage your health. Honest to god. Maybe Potty was sticking to an Evans naming tradition then, to try and impress you. I agree about the plain old names. I only suggested them because you have a son named Harry. Plain old are really common these days, especially in muggleborn families. I'd prefer to be able to shout out my child's name and not have twenty other kids replying, thanks. I also like the name Leonidas. So, that one for if they're a boy. We'll focus on girls now. Traditional first: Hepzibah? Cassiopeia? Constellation? Walburga? Dorea? Euphemia? Cleopatra? And for unique, how about: Erica? Danae? Belladonna? Isadora? Tiana? Rochelle? I also really liked your ideas of Silka and Cleo, but I rather think Cleo would be better as a nickname for something like Cleopatra. We could always name a girl after you, by calling them Lilian. Let me know. It turns out Antlers had messed up my files in the office, so no-one had any of my records. Love and hugs, Paddy xx P.S. Give that overgrown donkey up your end a good kick in the_

 

_Padfoot! Be grateful you didn't finish that sentence. As time goes on, I am finding myself increasingly able to write novels. Of cpucou, that had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I made up and brewed a batch of remedial sweets that I've designed to help women suffering from pregnancy symptoms and side effects. I might ask Sev if he can stick some in the Apothecary. Did you know he'd gotten a job there? He told me yesterday when I bumped into him at Florean's. He's doing well (Florean, not Sev) although I think that he needs more company. Not many customers chat to him that much, and he likes to be social. I might send Molly Weasley down to see him if this loneliness doesn't pick up. I'm really worried about what it's doing to his mental health. It can lead to all sorts of problems like depression and anxiety. I might also see if Saint Mungo's want some of my sweets, or at least the recipe. Pregnancies are getting more and more stressful as the war goes on. I should know. I've been through two! About your records in MLE, do you want me to talk to him? That was really mean of him, and I can't honestly see him taking on so much extra work voluntarily, even if it is to get one up on you. It could easily have been a DE who wanted you out the way. After all, you have been putting loads of their comrades in Azkaban. It could even have been someone who cares about you and thinks you're overworking (cough cough) although I don't see why they'd mess up your files. 'That overgrown donkey' is drunk at the moment. I've put Harry in the nursery, but he's a bit scary at the moment, to be honest. I don't know whether he's going to laugh or yell at any given moment, and Merlin knows I'm stressed enough as it is. About girl names, I have gone through the whole list you provided and decided for each one if I like it or not. Some of them are actually horrible, and I refuse to stand by and watch my daughter get bullied for being called Hepzibah, or something else just as ridiculous. I'll start with the traditional names: Hepzibah - no, Cassiopeia - yes (Cass for short), Constellation - yes, Walburga - no way (isn't that your demon of a mother? Why would you want to name a child after her?), Dorea - yes, Euphemia - no (it's a bit too uptight and stuffy. Possibly a tad old fashioned), Cleopatra - yes (Cleo for short). Unique next: Erica - yes, Danae - yes, Belladonna - yes (although it is very long), Isadora - no (my great aunt was called this and she wasn't the pleasantest of women), Tiana - no (it sounds like something a young child would name their princess doll), Rochelle - no (do I look French to you?), Lilian - yes (a million times yes. I love this name, and I'm sure any child of mine would bear it with pride). My current 'OK' list: Cassiopeia, Constellation, Dorea, Cleopatra, Erica, Danae, Belladonna, Lilian, Silka. I'm thinking maybe Silka Constellation Black or Leonidas Skyler Black for full names. Your opinion? Love ya Pads. Ya know what, I will give that overgrown donkey a swift kick in the... Lilypad xx_

 

Letters were exchanged in this fashion for the whole of those nine months, even after they had both gone into hiding separately. Sirius had refused to be their Secret Keeper mainly because he didn't want to save Potter's life. He didn't wish death on him, but he honestly didn't care whether he lived or died. He didn't trust Peter at all, and neither did Lily, but Potter was adamant that none of his Marauders would ever betray him. Maybe that was why he didn't really question his reasoning behind not being Secret Keeper. Maybe he thought that it was all behind us, that we were all one big happy family again. Or maybe he was just trying to be positive, because, deep down, everyone present knew that you couldn't hide from Voldemort. If he went after you, you were dead, no matter how you protect yourself. Secrets could be tricked and tortured out of the Keepers, and defences would just fizzle away. No-one present was expecting the Potters to survive this, and Sirius wasn't sure he could survive the loss.


End file.
